One Year
Well, it has been one year since my father passed away. I can hardly believe it. Time goes by so quickly! I have had lots of memories floating through my mind of him today. I also decided to make a trip to the cemetery and take some flowers. I have not been back there since he was buried a year ago. I had gone to St.Paul (the town he is buried in and where my grandmother lives) once during the year for the Rodeo, but not get a chance to walk over to the cemetery.
I will say I did alright going out there. I had all the kids with me. They did not have school since it also happens to be Veteran's Day. I did not get emotional. I was answering a lot of questions from the boys about what a cemetery is, where the people are, how they know their names, and of course the question of where they go after they die. All valid questions from a 4 and 6 year old. We went to the spot in the cemetery. My dad is buried with my biological grandfather (his father) in the cemetery. My dad still does not have a marker (this is a whole different story that I will not go into right now). The boys and I decided to say a little prayer together. (Brylee fell asleep in the car just before we arrived so I let her sleep while we walked into the cemetery. Don't worry It was a cool day and I could see my car in case.) We left the flowers on my grandfather's marker and headed back to the car after a few minutes. It was so cold, wet and foggy. The boys were shivering. They were troopers though and never complained one bit.
We drove across the street to my grandmother's house. When she opened the door, she gave me the biggest hug and immediately started crying. That made me lose it. She was happy we had stopped by and glad we went to the cemetery. We had a good short visit and headed home.
As I am writing, I am thinking of all the things that happened this last year. The big move, job changes, school starting for the boys, our trip to Disney World, so many ups and downs. And yet, here we are doing so much better than the year before. Finally feeling like things are falling into place. In that year's time I probably would have only seen my dad one time at the rodeo and maybe not talked to him at all. So it is an odd day filled with mixed emotions. Though I am glad to say that the memories that have floated through today have been good ones. And there have been so many days throughout the last year that I thought of my dad. That I would be in the middle of something and stop dead in my tracks because something reminded me of him. There have been days I walk over and pick up his cowboy hat and just stare at it for minutes before I can walk away and return to whatever it was that I was doing. Days when I still get pissed as hell that he chose his path that led to his early death. Days where I am so busy with my family life that I do not think of him at all.
Usually, when we reach a year milestone there is a celebration, a party, happiness. At this One Year anniversary I am just content with him being at peace. RIP James Michael Merten.
I will say I did alright going out there. I had all the kids with me. They did not have school since it also happens to be Veteran's Day. I did not get emotional. I was answering a lot of questions from the boys about what a cemetery is, where the people are, how they know their names, and of course the question of where they go after they die. All valid questions from a 4 and 6 year old. We went to the spot in the cemetery. My dad is buried with my biological grandfather (his father) in the cemetery. My dad still does not have a marker (this is a whole different story that I will not go into right now). The boys and I decided to say a little prayer together. (Brylee fell asleep in the car just before we arrived so I let her sleep while we walked into the cemetery. Don't worry It was a cool day and I could see my car in case.) We left the flowers on my grandfather's marker and headed back to the car after a few minutes. It was so cold, wet and foggy. The boys were shivering. They were troopers though and never complained one bit.
We drove across the street to my grandmother's house. When she opened the door, she gave me the biggest hug and immediately started crying. That made me lose it. She was happy we had stopped by and glad we went to the cemetery. We had a good short visit and headed home.
As I am writing, I am thinking of all the things that happened this last year. The big move, job changes, school starting for the boys, our trip to Disney World, so many ups and downs. And yet, here we are doing so much better than the year before. Finally feeling like things are falling into place. In that year's time I probably would have only seen my dad one time at the rodeo and maybe not talked to him at all. So it is an odd day filled with mixed emotions. Though I am glad to say that the memories that have floated through today have been good ones. And there have been so many days throughout the last year that I thought of my dad. That I would be in the middle of something and stop dead in my tracks because something reminded me of him. There have been days I walk over and pick up his cowboy hat and just stare at it for minutes before I can walk away and return to whatever it was that I was doing. Days when I still get pissed as hell that he chose his path that led to his early death. Days where I am so busy with my family life that I do not think of him at all.
Usually, when we reach a year milestone there is a celebration, a party, happiness. At this One Year anniversary I am just content with him being at peace. RIP James Michael Merten.
June 1985
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