Just to Certify Your Loss
Recently I was given a copy of my father's death certificate. I have since had many thoughts on this piece of paper now in my possession. Does this piece of paper make it even MORE real? Am I suppose to treasure it as an artifact? Should I carry it around so that when I am having a bad day I can just pull it out to let people know that is my excuse? My first reaction: I don't want this! I don't need this!
It is just so odd to me. I don't possess hardly any material items from my father, yet now I have this paper that says he is no longer living. Where does one go from here? He chose a bad path. He let himself slip away into alcohol day in and day out. It is sad and unfortunate. He once was a great guy, full of energy, knowledgeable in cars, electronics, gardening, horses and a force to be reckoned with when it came to Wild Horse Races. He lost that all and his family. You could feel really sorry for him, except that those of us that were living it with him knew he had many choices during his drive through life and many times he could have pulled over for help and he chose to keep on driving and not change his ways. So he is gone now and I have a certificate to state just that- a loss.
Just as when you have a child, you get a birth certificate stating you gave birth to this little person, so does one come in death. Like you really need a certificate to let you know that you just physically created a child, delivered them and now have this little person to nurture!?! Hello it is obvious!!! Death is the same. You know that this person is gone, you feel it with every ounce of your being and yet, again, you need a piece of paper to certify your loss. Really!?! I hope these certificates are more used for statistics than anything else. Cause at the moment I see no other use. It is just a trip down memory lane that makes me think about how I got to this ending with my father- a reminder. And again I state: I don't want it or need it.
It is just so odd to me. I don't possess hardly any material items from my father, yet now I have this paper that says he is no longer living. Where does one go from here? He chose a bad path. He let himself slip away into alcohol day in and day out. It is sad and unfortunate. He once was a great guy, full of energy, knowledgeable in cars, electronics, gardening, horses and a force to be reckoned with when it came to Wild Horse Races. He lost that all and his family. You could feel really sorry for him, except that those of us that were living it with him knew he had many choices during his drive through life and many times he could have pulled over for help and he chose to keep on driving and not change his ways. So he is gone now and I have a certificate to state just that- a loss.
Just as when you have a child, you get a birth certificate stating you gave birth to this little person, so does one come in death. Like you really need a certificate to let you know that you just physically created a child, delivered them and now have this little person to nurture!?! Hello it is obvious!!! Death is the same. You know that this person is gone, you feel it with every ounce of your being and yet, again, you need a piece of paper to certify your loss. Really!?! I hope these certificates are more used for statistics than anything else. Cause at the moment I see no other use. It is just a trip down memory lane that makes me think about how I got to this ending with my father- a reminder. And again I state: I don't want it or need it.
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